On Surrender

“There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth” ~ Rumi

How to live with an open heart and many leaps of faith.

"How do I surrender?" asked the naked brain theorist in my yurt at Burning Man. Sky and I looked at one another, wondering how to explain such an abstract yet fundamental aspect of our approach to life. I explained to him that in order to surrender, one has to have faith, in order to have faith, one has to trust, and in order to have trust, one has to believe in the basic goodness of the world. Surrender requires letting go of control, and living with uncertainty. One has to welcome fear into the room and sit with it but believe that there is a more powerful force present. I consider this force to be divinity, regardless of what form or definition that is used to interpret it. Divinity is a benevolent essence in the world that more often bestows good than evil on the believer. If one is able to accept this as truth, and trust that its power will be used to help and not harm, then one may surrender.

"Like this? Is this right?" the man asked. We had suggested that he try to feel physically what it is like to surrender. We guided him to kneel on the earth, bow his head to the ground, and open his hands up towards the sky in front of him. This is a vulnerable position, the body is not easily protected, and the open hands are meant to receive.

“Am I surrendering now?” His voice was muffled but his tone earnest. Sky and I exchanged a knowing smile. Surrender is something that has to happen at a very deep place in the soul. As humans, especially in the western world, we are often told that we control everything and that successes and failures are a result of our own work. We value structure and laws, hierarchies and concrete explanations. Surrender asks us to let go of all of that. We must step out of our rational mind and open up to amorphous, invisible instruments that we can only sense intuitively.

“I’ll just stay like this for awhile until I feel it” the naked would-be devotee decided.  

I live my life with an open heart, I do things that may be considered courageous but it is not for lack of fear. It is because I so profoundly believe that there is an energy out there in the world which is going to help me. I can’t prove it to you, I can’t explain why bad things happen to good people in any justified way, and if you don’t surrender to it, I don’t know if it will work for you. I can tell you that it spares me from a lot of suffering. I see so many people who are plagued by anxiety and fears, living in a world narrated by the potential of worst-case scenarios. They struggle for control, for a definitive, reasonable solution. They repeat negative thoughts and flail against barriers created by their minds.  

When I am worried, or hurting, I am able to turn over these tough emotions to a greater power and trust that I am going to survive. I have faith that the lessons the pain is teaching me are needed later on my journey. I don’t run from the ache of rejection, or hide beneath the heaviness of doubt. I recognize them, own the validity of their experience, and wait for them to pass on. I know that I am not my thoughts or my emotions, I am the part that observes their ebb and flow. I don’t try to make sense of the situation because I don’t feel that I have to know the answers in my mind. I allow the vibrations to flow through me, and imagine when everything will shine again. When I set my intention on something I want in my life, I believe that this power will create stepping stones towards my goal. I breathe, and I surrender.